Where Things Stand

Los

Hi Everyone,

This is a big deal for me. So, where do I begin?

I Lost My Job

Being fired F***D me up. Bad. I mean real BAD.

It happened during a promising and sensitive stage of personal rehabilitation.

I regressed and struggled to recuperate. I’m here opening up.

I’ve tried to keep things mostly to myself, trying to figure out the best ways to move forward. No one has a definitive answer.

How do we change our attitude toward what’s going on; how do we come out on top? We think differently from depressive and stress-filled states of mind. We think differently depending on our attitude and state of mental well-being.

So many inspiring people have shown how healthy and important it is to open up about our life experiences. My wife is one of them. And we have plenty more examples seen in close friends, family and public figures.

Opening Up

Every moment of every day supporting a non-winning attitude; of holding on to personal burdens; of trying to tackle this privately and all on my own, is lost time.

It is taking time to adjust to the hurt, anger and disappointment I’ve felt over how the NFL has reacted and how my family has been impacted by all this, and to all that is going on in the world today. There is still a ways to go.

We are living through unprecedented times.

The importance of an artist is bringing new signs into a language.

Steve Sabol

How we think and what we say about things, matter.

Recently, it helped to remember 10 words that were part of a text sent to me a while back by someone very important in our lives.

The words refreshed my personal ideas and understanding about love.

“I’m so glad you guys keep us in your lives”

Those 10 words helped me figure out where to start.

In December of 2014, I experienced an adverse reaction to workplace training that negatively affected my sanity.

The challenges to my mental and emotional health grew overwhelming over time, and produced frequent bouts of intense psychological and emotional distress. So much so, that by April of 2017 I was participating in medical leave to treat the fragmentations to my personality.

On August 3rd, 2018, while under a progressive course of treatment for Post-traumatic Stress Disorder, I was terminated.

“It’s no accident that in a bureaucracy getting fired is called ‘termination,’ as in ontological erasure.”

―David Foster Wallace

Since 2014, life has been an arduous journey for my family and I. So, being fired immediately impacted my progress and treatment. With less than a month to figure out the spike in family healthcare costs (~$375/mo to ~$2,200/mo), I was left feeling…

Abandoned. Neglected. Disappointed. Angry. {insert negative descriptor}

I’m a private person with strong feelings and opinions about what’s going on. Strong feelings about what has happened to me. Sometimes I feel like my voice was taken away. Like…

Most recently, my wife was diagnosed with cancer. You can see my Mother’s Day post to get a glimpse into what receiving the diagnosis was like.

My wife has been solid, brave and strong about it. And so have our children. We support her.

There is more support I can give and I hope to use various ways to do it.

This has to be tackled head on… tactfully.

Gratitude

Thankfully our children are both doing well. Destiny and Brooklyn are both at debatably tender ages to experience their father accepting a mental health challenge, job loss and their mother being treated for a cancer diagnosis. It’s a lot for any one to take.

I’m thankful for the love guiding us through this difficult time and hope we are doing the same for them.

My mother has been helpful too, and at times I worry how much this affects her.

On a more positive note, people have been very supportive, most specifically since Melissa’s diagnosis, offering and providing help in various (delicious) ways. Thank you!

When it comes to my friends and family: I haven’t spoken to any one about Missy, my job loss, and impact, beside my mother. I’ve blurted out a couple of times to people I barely know, because it’s difficult to talk about. Sometimes my feelings have felt like a shaken soda bottle.

Here, at The Positive Spin, I hope to express my appreciation to you tangibly, in a mutually beneficial way. I hope sharing my experiences and perspectives provides value and suffices until I am able to express it in other positive and constructive ways.

I hope you understand that our challenging circumstances are temporary, and that words fall short of expressing the personal gratitude I have for your unwavering generosity.

Help show support. Share this to as many people as possible. It helps get my word out.

Comment if you’d like.

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Credits: Jim Carrey from The Incredible Burt Wonderstone (2013); Melissa (wife); Friends; Family; those who speak up and those who speak out.